Say No to Eyelash Extensions

I’m taking a sharp turn from last week’s far more intense topic of being a sometimes controlling a-hole to talk about something I’ve come to truly dislike. It’s also a sharp turn from a blog post on this exact topic I wrote about a year ago, when I was singing the praises of face tarantulas — um, I mean eyelash extensions.

Most of us have heard of eyelash extensions, and many of us have been tempted to give them a try (especially us millennials — glamorous, “low-maintenance” makeup is always appealing, right?). I know tons of people who are huge fans of lash extensions, and I get it. Right after you get them done, they are so gorgeous and perfect and really open up your eyes. But after a couple of go-rounds, I’m done.

I’ll take the three minutes in the morning to swipe on some mascara to my normal-length lashes and save the $1,300 per year for important things like shoes and ice cream, thank you very much. (This has been my mascara of choice for several years running.)

I USED TO LOVE THEM. This is obvious, since I was pretty gung-ho in that post last year and got a new set about a month-and-a-half ago. But since getting them a little while ago and having them touched up once, I’ve made the decision that they are 100-percent not for me.

Why? First of all, they are freaking expensive. This is actually my main reason. Why pay $150 (which, by the way, is on the cheaper end of a full set of lashes — they can go for up to $500) on eyelashes that are yes, very beautiful, but not in the least realistic looking?

Plus, after two weeks, so many have fallen out, and taken your own lashes with them, that you’re forced to schedule a touch-up appointment. Especially if you have naturally blonde-ish eyelashes, like me, and suddenly you have these shorter, lighter colored, straight lashes poking through the now-sparse, long, curled black lashes. Sleeping on my face surely didn’t help things, but I can’t change that! I tried, but I can’t.

Then, you have to pay $75-plus (again, I found a deal for this — usually, touch-ups range from $150-200) every two to three weeks to make sure you don’t look like a walk-of-shamer who lost half her falsies the night before. Y’all know what I’m talking about.

That comes out to AT LEAST $1,300 per year — AT LEAST six-and-a-half grand over five years. And that is if you find a deal on your lashes. If you opt for high-end pricing, you’re almost $4,000 deep per year if you get touched up every three weeks. Ouch.

Do you know how many trips that could go toward? How many people you could help, bottles of wine you could buy, or time you could cut off your retirement age if you invested it instead?

I thought I was on board for their convenience. NO eye makeup in the mornings sounded like heaven to me. But, then again for that first full set, you have to sit for two to three hours, eyes closed, no productivity to be had, and every couple weeks following, you sit there for another one to two hours doing NOTHING. For an OCD, productivity addict, this drove me crazy even the two times I went.

And let’s talk about what should be simple things, like sleeping and showering. Not so simple anymore, let me tell you. I sleep lightly, anyway, but with the thought in the back of my mind that I shouldn’t be squishing my eyelashes against my pillow — almost impossible for a stomach sleeper — my sleep was highly disrupted, to say the least.

And showering was a toughy, too. If you have decent-or-better water pressure, your false lashes will be weighed down by water and get twisted around until a few inevitably get stuck poking directly down into your eyeball. Then, you’re stuck trying to gently pull the protruding lash out from your eye while not pulling it out completely. FUN TIMES.

For a beauty treatment that’s supposedly low maintenance, these puppies were causing me a lot of stress. If I wasn’t freaking out about when my next appointment was or if I could spare the $75-plus that week, then I was constantly brushing them with an eyelash brush, trying to make them lay just so, without criss-crossing or, worse, flaring downward.

I can’t fault you if you’re on the extension train; I’ve been there. But if you’re wondering whether or not to give the trend a try, consider a few things: Do you like sleep? Do you enjoy showering in peace? Do you prefer not to waste thousands of dollars?

Okay, then! Decision made.


 V-NECK // CARDIGAN (sold out, similar here) // PJ SHORTS (old, similar here and here) // HEADBOARD // SHAMS // DUVET COVER // NIGHTSTANDS (sold out, similar here and here) // POLISH (in “Bachelorette Bash”)

2 thoughts on “Say No to Eyelash Extensions

  1. This is too funny!!! And yet…it is a great reminder of what the ‘real deal’ in life is…do your best and be kind!

    Love you!

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