Distance and Heart

This week, my boyfriend John is traveling in Israel to consult with startups in Tel Aviv as a part of a credit for his business school classes. We’ve been dating for just more than two-and-a-half years now and living together since last July, and his heart is the greatest complement to my own. So you could say I’m missing the dude pretty big right now.

Where I’m stubborn and impatient, he’s thoughtful and compassionate. Where he procrastinates or takes great care and time to accomplish certain tasks, I make moves forward and fast. When I don’t want to cook (which is often) he gets to work in the kitchen, but not before making sure I have a glass of wine in hand. Where I can chat up anyone and become best friends in five minutes flat, he’s more reserved, quiet, and introspective in social situations. He’s a school person and a history buff; my favorite TV channel is Bravo…

Sometimes I wonder and even feel insecure about our vast differences — in personality, in upbringings, in ways we do things and pursue goals — but then I think about how balanced and how safe and just at ease I feel when I’m with him. How he’s the only person who can calm me down in about 30 seconds when I’m upset, even the times I’m upset with him. He wants to do well by everyone and treat people with a gentle kindness, and I love that in him.

He can drive me half freaking crazy when he won’t get off TexAgs or group chat with his man-pals, but I could tell him I want to drive across the country for a book idea or open my own yoga studio and he’d back me up a thousand percent. I come up with crazy ideas all the time, and he never once has said or made me feel like I couldn’t achieve whatever new scheme I want to pursue.

His support is everything to me and my favorite quality in him. As confident as I am (most of the time) with my capabilities and path in life, I can attest that having someone else’s complete faith in you adds a whole new element of motivation, inspiration, and drive. It just lights a bigger fire knowing not only you think you can do outstanding, wonderful, important things, but someone else does, too.

I’ve been thinking about all of this in his absence this week, and, as though this isn’t already the cheesiest post ever, I’ve realized all that talk about distance and the heart growing fonder is kind of true. We haven’t spent ten days apart, I think, in all the time we’ve dated — so, while I do relish being pushed back into my autonomy this week, I can’t say I’m not looking forward to his plane’s arrival Sunday night.

I will say, however, this week has already been made a whole lot more fun and eventful than it could’ve been. My sister is in town to keep me company and drink all the wine that my normal wine-drinking buddy is missing. My heart’s feeling full, even if half of it’s in a different country.

This post has been in partnership with Winc, a company we’ve used and loved (and drank many bottles of) for two years. Sign up for Winc using my unique URL (trywinc.com/frecklesfigs) to receive 4 bottles of wine for $30. A few of my favorites are Upswell Cabernet, Alchymist Noir Red Blend, and One from The Quiver Torrontes. This wine is GOOD quality and affordable and comes straight to your front door. What more could you ask for?

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Whole Lotta Whole30: Results + Overview

Last week, I finished Whole30, the nutritional program where you give up dairy, grains, added sugar, preservatives, legumes, and alcohol for 30 days. I didn’t think I’d make it, to be totally transparent, and while I did have one intentional mishap (of course I had to drink a beer at a Dierks Bentley concert, c’mon), I’m proud of myself for making it completely through a diet-cleanse for the first time.

And the last time.

Turns out, I was already kinda healthy and balanced before doing Whole30, but it took going through the program to fully understand that, so I am grateful to have experienced it. I’ve always joked that, because I workout so often but love good food and a glass of wine with dinner, if I ever stopped eating junk and ate healthy for a long period of time, I’d probably turn into a twig.

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Whole30 Ramblings + Meal Plan

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Tomorrow marks the first day of what may very well be the 30 most difficult days of my life. Dramatic? Perhaps. Probably true? Most likely.

I start the Whole30 challenge tomorrow with my boyfriend, John. (It took about three days of begging him to do it with me before he caved. Misery loves company.) It was his idea to start on a day that would coordinate our timing to wrap up the program on a Thursday, so we can then indulge in the foods we’ve missed starting on a Friday, the weekend. Sometimes it’s nice dating such a smartypants. So, that’s why we’re starting on January 4 instead of the 1st, like a lot of other people.

Apparently this program has been around for years, but I only heard about it for the first time a few weeks ago. My boss was talking about how she wanted to do it to cleanse out holiday goodies, and my initial thought when she told me the details of it was that she must be crazy.

And then came the holidays. And the bread, and the cookies, and the ice cream, and the wine, and the enchiladas, and the casseroles, and the cheese and crackers. Suddenly, a cleanse didn’t sound so bad after all. Like I’ve talked about before, I’m not big on jumping on board with health trends — I think a lot of them promise more than they result, and some can be unhealthy physically and mentally.

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From Vegetarian to… Non-vegetarian: An Entirely Too-Long Post to Answer Your Questions

The question I got for six years: “Why are you a vegetarian?” The new question I’m getting: “So why do you eat meat…now?” 

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Until a couple weekends ago, I’d been a vegetarian for nearly seven years. SEVEN. Actually, I was technically a pescatarian for the majority of the time (which means I still ate seafood but no land or air animals). Occasionally I’d feel pangs of guilt toward sea creatures, though, and would stop eating them, too, but that never lasted long. (I really love sushi.)

Most people didn’t care about my lack of meat-eating — except for friends and family in the Midwest who loved to give me a hard time about it. My paternal grandparents made their living off a pig and livestock farm, for crying out loud! So I was basically an alien to everyone up there.

No one else seemed to mind, though, even my Texan, hunting-loving boyfriend. So when I came to the decision to give up vegetarianism about two weeks ago, I made the choice myself, without outside influence. And — this might seem silly — it was really hard.

I stopped eating meat the day after Thanksgiving when I was a junior in high school after a conversation with my brother’s then-girlfriend about her refraining from eating meat products. She told me it was weirdly easy for her to give up, which made me think, Maybe I can do that. I’ve always been a crazy animal lover (can you tell?), and didn’t eat meat too often to begin with, except for occasional burgers or bacon or chicken. I figured it was okay to not be eating most of those foods, anyway, so I quit meat cold turkey.

Except for the first month — when I’d have days I REALLY wanted an In N’ Out burger — it was mostly easy for me to stop eating meat. Sure, certain things would smell good, but never good enough for me to need to try them.

I’ve also always had issues with self control around food, too, so I think this was a way for me to taper certain cravings in a healthy way. Instead of ordering the cheeseburger and fries at a restaurant, I had to get the vegetable dish. It was a dietary restriction that didn’t feel too much like a restriction. After all, I could still have ice cream or cheese or bread — you know, all the important nourishments. (We won’t go there with the one time I tried veganism, which ended tragically quickly after two days of torture.)

For once, I had to choose animal-friendly options and consider what I was putting in my body more than I ever did before. Did I have enough protein today? Is this going to keep me full long enough? After a while, I had a routine down, and it was fine. Great, even. It worked well for my life for nearly a decade, but like many routines, it began to get boring.

My boyfriend will tell you I’ve been boycotting any kind of baked, sautéed, or pan-cooked fish for a couple months now. (I think it’s annoyed him since he only had so much to work with when making dinner with me — and I chopped out most of our options by refusing fish.) I’m honestly just tired of it! I still like seafood, but for easy, nutritious weeknight meals, I was running out of ammo. You can only eat baked salmon so many times.

And so, slowly, a few months ago, the idea of eating meat again crept up on me. At 24 years old, I feel more secure in my health habits than I did at 17. I no longer feel like food controls me like it did when I became vegetarian.

And, like everyone, my palette has changed. Things like a chicken salad, which I used to feel indifferent about not eating, now looks freaking amazing. Don’t even get me started with the smell of bacon. (Things other than meat have become alluring in the past few months or year, as well, like olives… Just so we’re clear I haven’t become this ravenous, meat-craving freak or anything.)

But even though my food attitude has improved, and my palette is different, there was still the whole guilt thing to approach. When I told John I started considering eating meat again, he got so excited and asked if he could make my first meaty meal in celebration. That made my stomach turn. I know he was just being sweet: He loves to cook, and I’m sure he’s dreamt about a day when I might eat meat again. But for me, I didn’t want to celebrate my failure of saving animals! (I understand that one person being a vegetarian does little to save animals or negate cruel slaughterhouses, but still, guilt is guilt, and I had it big time.)

I’m still wrestling with that part of it, but for now, I plan on eating grass-fed, ethically-raised, pasture-raised, organic, hormone-free (you get it) meat. At least as much as I can help it. I don’t see myself eating meat at many restaurants, either, unless I know it’s a place that really cares about the quality of its fare. (Side note: if anyone knows the best grocer to get the most ethical and pure meat, please let me know! I’ve only hit up Whole Foods so far.)

There you have it: my weird, entirely too-long story about going from a longtime veggie to a full-blown carnivore, with standards. I’ve had a lot of questions about both choices — the choice to become a vegetarian way back when, and now, the choice to not be one — but if there’s anything I didn’t address, please reach out! I’m happy to answer and open a discussion in the comments below (or email me at audrey@frecklesandfigs.com).